Young children, though delightful, can leave parents feeling emotionally and physically overwhelmed. Fortunately, there are resources for helping parents through these early years. But as toddlers morph into teens, guidance can sometimes seem harder to find, just as parents may need it most. Enter Harlan Cohen. For more than 25 years, the Chicago-based Jewish life coach and New York Times bestselling author has been helping people through change. He is a guide to parents of teens, and teens themselves, specializing in the transition to college life. Jewish Chicago spoke with Harlan Cohen about what to expect when the time comes to launch our kids. His first book was
Campus Life Exposed: Advice From The Inside
(Petersons)
.
Five years later, The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues (Sourcebooks) was released. He has written seven books in all, and has more than 1.5 million followers across all his platforms, plus a podcast.
Q: It feels like a relief once your child has been accepted to a university. But you say getting in is the "easy part." Why?
A: The hardest part is in front of them. It's what happens once you're there and navigating change. The five steps to manage change are: First, identifying what you want. Second, get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Third-people, places, patience. Who are your people, where are your places? How long will it take to get where you want to go? The fourth part is telling the story as if it's happened, instead of focusing on all the things that are so upsetting and out of our control. The fifth and last part is celebrate, reflect, repeat-you find something to celebrate, you reflect on what went right, what went wrong, what can and can't change, and then you repeat this process.
What's the number one quality that can help students and parents deal with the adjustment to college?
Patience! Patience is a part of life that we don't get a lot of time to practice exercising, and to be patient, you have to know you're going to be okay. Because if you don't, you panic. But if you know it can be hard; [that] the first year is an experiment-25% of students don't go back to the same school they start; two thirds of students feel lonely-it gives you more runway to be tolerant of these things that can sometimes be hard to manage. Parents need to be so patient, and they need to be informed, so they can be a calming force.
What kind of challenges are unique to Jewish students transitioning to college these days-given the post 10/7 world, and rise of antisemitism on campuses?
Jewish students are nervous. Parents are worried. And for good reason. Antisemitism on many campuses is out in the open. Students have been asking me questions like, 'Should I wear my Star of David on campus?' 'Do I take down the Israeli flag on my wall?' 'How do I deal with friends who don't understand what I'm going through as a Jewish student?'
The answer is-surround yourself with love. Anchor yourself in the Jewish community on campus. Talk to the leadership at your campus' Hillel or Chabad rabbi. Reach out to Jewish student leaders on campus. Go to Jewish events. Use this as an opportunity to talk to people who can support and guide you.
As for parents, encourage your student to reach out to the staff and student leaders at Hillel, Chabad, and synagogues near campus. They will help you and your child gauge the real temperature of antisemitism on campus. I regularly exchange direct messages with concerned Jewish parents and students, so please feel free to reach out.
Learn more about Harlan Cohen at harlancohen.com; on Instagram at @harlancohen, his Facebook group called Year 13, and on his YouTube podcast at @HelpMeHarlan. And check out his Best First Year for Parents and Students Course at courses.bestfirstyear.com.
Mimi Sager Yoskowitz is a writer drafting her first novel, whose essays and articles can be found in various outlets, including On Being Jewish Now and Motherwell. In her previous life, she was a producer at CNN in New York. She now lives on the North Shore with her husband and four kids.
